found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
