God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
