Don't make out with my wife yet
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
