Sober January is a disaster.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
