Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
