I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
