u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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