I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
