____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
