I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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