Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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