It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
