you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize