I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
