I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
