I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
