FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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