I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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