Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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