Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
