It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize