we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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