Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
