shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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