the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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