and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
