i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize