You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
