I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
