he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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