i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
