Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
