I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
