i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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