I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
