Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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