if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize