addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
