we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
