she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
