I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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