I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
