i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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