who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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