The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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