Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
