I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
