So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
