My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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