If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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