We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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