I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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