My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
