You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
