do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Watching her eat just hurts me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
