Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
