I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
