no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Randomize
