it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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