I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
