I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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