Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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