I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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