But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
