Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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