You really coming over, don't trick.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
