woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
