I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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