i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize