I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
