I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
