he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
