I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
