The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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