nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Life is so much better after having sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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