In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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