i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
