Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
