you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
